Dear Puerto Rico

I humbly ask that you consider declaring independence. I realize that you may enjoy your position as an unincorporated territory of the United States, but the fact is, our federal government is, to put it nicely, insane. In this day and age, who still lives without representation at all levels of government? (dictatorships don't count!) I think it is only fair for Puerto Rico to take the reins of governing its own country and have the ability to assess and collect taxes and tariffs for its own well-being. Think of all that EEZ that you control and can make money off of. Or how about getting rid of the tariff for Roquefort cheese that Bush II passed out of spite? Such wonders (and more!) await a people that throw off the shackles of Western Imperialism!

(Note that that is not in any way related to my trying to get NSF to give me international travel money to visit your fine state in February for a conference.)